


Stairway to Hell, Highway to Heaven

by cherryarun



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blackouts, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Wings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-28 13:41:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19395301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryarun/pseuds/cherryarun
Summary: After Armageddon't and their respective trials in Heaven and Hell, Aziraphale and Crowley go to the Ritz. When Crowley mentions that they don't need the Arrangement anymore, Aziraphale's world falls apart.





	1. After Everything

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I've never felt this inspired to write a fiction - I've been a mostly silent admirer of other people's work. I noticed there wasn't enough angst in this fandom so I've decided to brave the storm and give it a try.
> 
> Second, I haven't seen the show yet but I plan to do so once I've finished reading the book. So if some of the characters might seem a little too much out of character, be free to point me in a better direction. I've got three chapters written so far but I'm a little stuck on how to write Crowley.
> 
> Third, the title is inspired by the songs 'Stairway to Heaven' by Led Zeppelin and 'Highway to Hell' by AC/DC. The reversal is intended.
> 
> \---

After Heaven and Hell’s punishments, they go to the Ritz. They enjoy some time together in silence. Until Crowley opens his mouth.

“I think it’s time to end this arrangement.”

Aziraphale doesn’t hear the rest of what Crowley is saying. Instead, he hears his heartbeat in his ears, his vision begins to swim and his thoughts spiral downwards. The only thing he can do is make sure his face doesn’t betray his thoughts, and continue looking attentively at Crowley as he babbles on. His heart squeezes in anguish as his world falls apart.

“What do you think about Paris, angel?”

Aziraphale nods. “Paris sounds delightful, my dear!”

Crowley smiles. “Good. Lift home?”

Aziraphale panics. This is probably the last time he will see Crowley. His wonderful, dear demon who he’d befriended against all odds. His charming and brilliant, if sometimes oblivious and chaotic friend whom he’d saved the world with. His Crowley, who doesn’t know about any of Aziraphales feelings for him and who is about to take his leave out of his life forever.

He’s been silent for a few seconds too long, it seems, as Crowley has a frown of concern in his features that asks if everything is alright.

Aziraphale conjures up a smile that he hopes is convincing. “Oh, sorry, I was thinking about everything that happened today. A lift home would be wonderful, my dear. I think I need some time to process.”

Seemingly satisfied, Crowley leads them to the Bentley and drives them to the bookshop. They arrive much too quickly for Aziraphales taste. As they both step out of the car, the angel realizes with horror that his is goodbye. He turns to his friend with the softest smile he can muster, and hugs him.

“Thank you for saving the world with me, Crowley dear.”

He feels Crowley fidget but awkwardly return the hug. Aziraphale tries to commit his friend’s scent to memory. When they separate after a minute long hug, Crowley quickly turns to the Bentley, probably to return to his flat. ‘Probably to sleep the night, pack his belongings and then leave for Paris on the morrow’, Aziraphale thinks.

“’Night, angel.” Crowley says, with a strangely soft expression on his face.

Aziraphale nods and quickly lets himself into the bookshop. Once the door is closed and he doesn’t hear the Bentley’s engine anymore, he sinks down to the ground. This was not how it was supposed to go. He’d thought that once Armageddon was prevented, he could perhaps tell Crowley how he felt for him. Alas, it seems that his friend has other plans. Are they still friends, now that the arrangement is done? Were they ever friends in the first place?

Aziraphale feels despair and sadness seep into his very essence. He realizes with a start that he doesn’t know for sure. With a sigh, he looks around his bookshop. The place where he had felt at home for quite some time now suddenly felt lonely. He needed wine, Aziraphale decided. Better not to think too much about Armageddon, Heaven and Hell’s punishments, the bookshop that wasn’t on fire, or Crowley. Oh, Crowley had left.

Aziraphale felt not so much as saw the first tear falling to the ground. High time, he decided, to get that wine and start drinking it as quickly as possible. Stumbling towards his wine stash, he realizes how tired he is. He’s never felt the need to sleep as there always was something better to do, but maybe it was time to try it out. It seemed to do Crowley some good. Ignoring the stabbing pain in his heart at the thought of that name, Aziraphale uncorks the first bottle. Miracling himself into his never-used bedroom, he tries his absolute hardest not to think about anything but the next sip of wine.


	2. Blackout Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're taking a look at how Aziraphale copes with what has happened in the first chapter. Spoilers: He doesn't do well.
> 
> Also, the cavalry is coming in the form of Beelzebub and Gabriel, with mentions of Adam. Crowley will be there shortly, but not in this chapter yet!
> 
> Very short, as it is intended to reflect Aziraphale being blacked out most of the time. Think of it as snapshots of the only times he's kind of conscious.
> 
> \---

Aziraphale wakes with a headache. Slightly disoriented, he wonders why he was asleep in the first place. He sees a lot of empty wine bottles and suddenly, he remembers. Crowley is gone.

Feeling his breath leave his lungs, Aziraphale sinks down to his knees. Crowley is gone, and Aziraphale is all alone. He desperately needs some more wine.

Apparently, he’s consumed his entire stash before falling asleep. Barely even noticing, he miracles his wine bottles full again. He’s going to need it after all.

...

Three days, two hours and thirty-seven minutes. It’s been three days, two hours and thirty-seven minutes since he last saw Crowley. It feels like an eternity of Hell to Aziraphale.

An eternity of Hell, where he wakes up disoriented, remembers what has happened only to drink himself to sleep again. Anything is better than to acknowledge that his world has fallen apart, that HE’s falling apart.

...

He hasn’t gotten out of his bedroom for an entire week now. Hasn’t done anything he’s been doing for the last six thousand years except maybe breathing. He welcomes the numbness the wine gives him instead.

...

In a rare moment of half-sober clarity, Aziraphale glimpses his reflection in the mirror. He looks gaunt and tired. He’s shocked to realize that his wings are darker than usual. ‘Must be because I haven’t groomed them in a while’, he thinks. ‘They’re almost as dark as Crow...’ He doesn’t allow himself to finish that thought. Nonetheless, he feels the stabbing pain in his heart again. He immediately wishes for the numbness the drink provides him.

He promises to himself to groom his wings the next time he sees them. He also miracles the mirror into the furthest end of his apartment.

...

He’s hallucinating. He’s pretty sure that no way in Heav- Hel- somewhere Beelzebub of all people is standing right next to him, accompanied by a very uncomfortable looking Gabriel. He’s certain that he doesn’t feel something like a timid friendship between the two.

He’s also pretty sure that he doesn’t see pity in both their faces. He doesn’t need their pity. In fact, he’s positive he doesn’t need anything anymore. Everything he’s ever wanted has left, after all. He could just as well be dead as far as he is concerned. He miracles himself another full bottle of wine, takes a deep gulp and closes his eyes.

The last thing he hears before losing consciousness is Beelzebub’s scratchy voice whispering something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \---
> 
> Thank you so much everyone who has read the first chapter, given Kudos and taken the time to comment! It's encouraging to hear that at least some people like whatever my brain comes up with. Let's hope it will continue doing just that!
> 
> I'm still stuck on writing Crowley although I have some ideas, hopefully I will have chosen what to do by the release of chapter 3. Comments in regards to that are appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beelzebub and Gabriel wonder what happened. And maybe, just maybe, the seeds of a tentative friendship are sown in the process.
> 
> Also: Crowley is coming, and he's not exactly amused.
> 
> \---

“This place reeks of despair and sadness. I wonder...”

“Beelz, I don’t know why you’ve dragged me here other than to look at this pathetic excuse of an angel. He’s drunk and apparently asleep, probably celebrating having prevented Armageddon and all.”

“Gabe, first of all, I got a strongly worded letter from the fucking Antichrist, I HAVE to abide by his will for now! The child said to go see what the angel is up to. And look at him. He’s barely conscious, obviously drunk out of his mind and apparently hasn’t left this room in weeks! Something is NOT alright.”

“But why should Aziraphale-”

“Gabe. Think about it. If you were celebrating something, would you do it alone? Would you hide yourself away like this? Wouldn’t you want to share with your friends?”

“Well, yes, but Aziraphale doesn’t have friends now, does he? Everyone in Heaven hates his guts.”

An exasperated sigh. “Gabe, would you shut up and think for a moment before projecting your feelings on others! He has at least one friend, does he not?”

“You mean that degenerate Crowley? Oh come on, Beelz, your lot just doesn’t make friends. I’m pretty sure that damnable demon pretended to be his friend to thwart the Great Plan and then leave him just after.”

“GABRIEL, IN HELL’S NAME! First of all, are you saying we can’t be friends? If we still were sworn enemies we wouldn’t even have this conversation, you dumbass! Second, Aziraphale went to fucking Hell in Crowley’s body and vice versa just so they could both survive! If that isn’t some kind of real friendship I don’t know what is!”

“Yeah, but if they were such good friends, why isn’t Crowley here?” A heavy silence falls upon the two.

“That... is the first sensible thing you’ve said since we’ve come here. It is a good question. Why isn’t Crowley here? If I can sense his despair from the depths of Hell, Crowley should be drowning in it.” Another second of quiet, followed by a look of dawning horror on Beelzebub’s features. “Gabe, is it possible for you angels to shield your emotions to certain individuals?”

“Yeah, it should be possible though it is unheard of. After all, we don’t need to hide our emotions, since no human can pick up on them like other angels do.”

“Other angels, and perhaps demons?”

“Probably, yes. Why? Do you think...”

“He’s shielding his despair from Crowley? I think that’s exactly what he’s doing. And from the looks of it, he’s been doing it since their trials a fucking month ago.” A look of horrible realization passes Gabriel’s face.

“He’s been shielding his emotions from Crowley for an entire month? But that’s suicide! Sustaining a miracle of that enormity for this long requires energy, Beelz!”

“Yeah, and since his real energy reserves have probably been depleted several weeks ago, the upkeep of the miracle is draining his essence, his life blood. No wonder he looks like this!” She gestures at Aziraphales gaunt corporeal form.

“What do we do, Beelz? He can’t go back to Heaven, not after what he’s done!”

“And why not, Gabriel? He’s still an angel and a Principality, blessed wings and all? Why-”

As if on cue, Aziraphale turns to lay on his belly, face down. Beelzebub and Gabriel quietly scan the angel’s ethereal form only to discover grey feathers in between his white ones.

“His wings! They’re...”

“Grey, I see it as well, Gabe. Fuck, shit, fuck. FUCK!”

“Is he… falling?” Gabriel glances at Beelzebub’s charcoal-black and leathery wings. “Was… Was that what your wings looked like when you fell?”

“No, you daft tit, my wings were burned off in sulphuric acid! It was instantaneous and not gradual like this!” Beelzebub points to the increasingly dark grey feathers. “There’s gotta be a way to help him, this is not how it’s supposed to be!”

“I… Do you think he’s becoming a demon, slowly but surely?”

“Yes, I think he’s falling, but it’s way too slow for anything to come out of it.”

“You mean, he’s falling and dying because he’s somehow… doing it wrong?”

“How am I supposed to know, I haven’t ever seen anything like this!”

“Do you think we could heal him?”

“Fucking Hell Gabe, I DON’T KNOW!” Another heavy silence falls upon them.

“If… If he’s between being an Angel and Demon, I don’t know if either of our sides can help him. I think he needs to be either or for our respective healing miracles to work.” Gabriel muses.

“Do you think we could combine our healing miracles?” A look of uncertainty passes Beelzebub’s harsh features.

“And risk destroying him in the process? No, I don’t think that would be a good idea, it can't be what the... child... wants.”

“Huh, never thought I’d see the day where you would not jump on the opportunity to get rid of the angel.” Mutters Beelzebub.

“Now wait a second Beelz, just because I can’t stand Aziraph-”

It’s the last thing Gabriel can say before he’s viciously thrown against the far wall of the bedroom, shortly followed by Beelzebub. His ears are ringing, but he sees a flash of red hair and yellow eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \---
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone reading, commenting and giving Kudos! I did not expect people to like the rubbish that I write.
> 
> We'll see what Crowley thinks in the next chapter, I promise!
> 
> I got to reading the book today. It's a brilliantly written story, tension and humor in all the right places. It lacks a little bit of the Crowley-Aziraphale interaction we get in the series, as far as I can see without having seen the series yet. Gaiman as well as Tennant and Sheen (and basically everyone else who was involved) made a lot of good decisions translating the book to the TV screen.


	4. Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley is here, yay! Now for him to find out what the fuck Beelzebub and Gabriel are doing here, and in the process get them out of here!
> 
> \---

“Crowley!” Beelzebub is holding her throbbing head in an attempt to miracle away her headache. It isn’t working. “Crowley, it isn’t what it looks like!”

“Oh, it isssn’t what it looksss like, isss it? So, pray tell, what wasss it supposed to look like? Did you bastardsss not have your revenge already when you made him go through Hell? When all he wanted was to protect a world you wanted to destroy so badly for your ssstupid war? What, did you want to put him through all of it again, just without him noticing? Why the fuck else would you both be here?” 

Gabriel winces, Beelzebub still holding her head but not looking up to the angry demon. She murmurs “No Crowley, that’s not what we were doing. If you would let me explain-”

“NO, there’s nothing to explain here! As far as I can see, you. wanted. us. dead.” Snarls Crowley, “‘Shut your stupid mouth and die already’, remember?” Gabriel flinches. “And that, for me, is enough of a reason to keep you far, far away from Aziraphale.”

Without taking his eyes off of the Archangel and the Lord of the Flies, Crowley moves to stand between them and the very still angel. A heavy silence falls upon them. The unconscious angel turns to lay on his back again. Until Beelzebub and Gabriel simultaneously gather their courage to speak.

“He’s dying, Crowley!” - “He’s falling, you daft demon!” and together “It’s not our doing!”

A second of silence. Another one. Crowley slowly turns his attention towards Aziraphale. “He’s dying? And it’s not your doing? How? Why can’t I sense him then?”

“That’s because he’s shielding his emotions from you, Hell knows why. Crowley, we came here because I got a letter from the child to go look what was happening. I could feel an immense sadness and despair coming from here, and it was all wrong, even for my hellish senses.” Beelzebub takes a deep breath, before continuing with a small voice. “It’s... been going on for an entire month now. ”

“The child – Adam? Shielding emotions? From... me? How- Why- What? An entire month? Explain!”

“Well, we were wondering ourselves what happened, Crowley. Because, to he honest, we don’t know much more than what we’ve already told you. When did you last see Aziraphale?”

Crowley reflects. “It’s been a month, I think. We just came back from your infernal punishments and wanted to celebrate the fact that the world didn’t end. I’m pretty sure I proposed for us to go visit Paris, and he agreed. I brought him back here and that was the last I saw him, although I did try to ring him up a few times.”

“And you didn’t think that something was wrong after so many days?” Gabriel asks apprehensively.

“Not initially. I mean, we both needed some time to process after the world almost ended, so I figured I’d give him a week or two before calling him up. And when he didn’t pick up his phone, I thought he was either busy or not ready yet, so I didn’t try to bother until he would come to me. Until I sensed you two coming here.”

“What do you mean, ‘not ready yet’?”

“Well I… do like the angel a lot. And I’ve been trying to tell him for at least an eternity, but it never seemed the right moment, what with us being on opposite sides and such.” Crowley quiets down again, an almost vulnerable expression all over his features. Gabriel narrows his eyes. If he didn’t think better, he’d say that the demon was longing.

“Crowley. You say you… like Aziraphale. A lot.” The demon mutely nods. Beelzebub catches on.

“You don’t just like him, do you?”

He shakes his head. “No. I… love him. And I’ve been trying to tell him ever since I met him in Eden.”

“You’ve loved Aziraphale for what, six thousand years and he hasn’t caught on?” Beelzebub whistles. “That’s one oblivious angel, if you ask me.”

“I KNOW!” Crowley flares up, but deflates shortly after. Quieter, he adds “Trust me, I know. Aziraphale couldn’t sense people’s love for him if it punched him in the face. I’ve tried so, SO many things and they all go over his head. And on the occasion they seem not to go over his head, he says I go too fast for him.”

“That kinda sounds… complicated” Beelzebub tries. “Although I’m not sure how it relates to the angel being the way he is right now, to be honest. I’m out of my depth on this one.”

“Yeah me too, this is way beyond my understanding.” Gabriel adds. “But I don’t think it would be wise to leave him like this for much longer, at any rate.”

“Crowley, you know the angel better than anyone else, do you think you could try and find out what this is all about?” The Lord of Flies gathers herself before getting up. “Because I don’t want the child on my heels for this one, and I don’t know what else to do but to offer any support I can if you need it? If my support can do anything for him, come to think of it.”

“I think Heaven would also offer their support if you need it. If you want to do this, that is. Aziraphale is making the effort of shielding his feelings from you, after all.” The Archangel makes to stand up as well. “Crowley?”

The demon doesn’t need to think. “Yes, I suppose I could do that. Haven’t got anything better to do at this rate. Can’t go to Paris without him after all.” He says with a sad but wry smile.

Beelzebub and Gabriel nod and quietly shuffle towards the door. Just before they leave, Crowley speaks up.

“I’m tired of expecting you guys to throw wrenches into our way of things. But I think we’ll be alright now, won’t we?”

They both hear the rethorical question and the underlying gratitude. With a barely perceptive wink in Crowleys direction, Beelzebub closes the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \---
> 
> It took me a fucking week of trying to write and rewrite this, and I'm still not entirely sure I like the chapter the way it is, but I don't want to try again.
> 
> Next chapter will be Crowley introspective, but I will probably need some time until the next update, a lot of stuff is chaning in my life right now. Let's see how it goes.
> 
> Also: Thank you all so much for coming back to this shit show of a poorly written story. I do hope you like it more than I do this chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> \---
> 
> Please tell me what you think! I've never been a great storywriter in a language that's not native to me but I'm trying.


End file.
